My company is approaching the end of the fiscal year and this was the time when our performance reviews were done and the amount of variable bonus to receive was determined.
In my case, I had some contention with my supervisor on the way my bonus was calculated. Although I left the meeting with a common agreement and understanding, I later realized that there were still some areas which I have overlooked that could contribute more to my overall performance bonus. However looking at how the meeting had proceeded earlier, I knew that if I continue to pursue the matter, it would not benefit my long term relationship with my supervisor. I was not happy and felt that I was stuck in a compromising position.
I wanted so much to complain to my other colleagues on how unfair my bonus was calculated. However I knew that such an act would not contribute a cubit to my bonus but only cast a bad light on my supervisor. Not only that, it will stir up my bitterness over the matter. At that point in time, God reminded me that it is right to control my tongue. I knew the Holy Spirit was constraining me. I did well in this area in the past and I should and could do it again.
Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
Eventually, I kept the matter to myself.
On the same day, I attended my church night service. The congregation was having a great time worshipping God and Pastor Amos was telling us the presence of God is in this place and encouraging us to continually praise and worship and enjoy the presence of God. Time passed and it was almost more than an hour that we worship God.
However while everyone around me was worshipping God, I knew I was not flowing with the anointing as much as I wanted. In fact throughout that time, my mind was so cluttered with what happened during performance review meeting I had earlier in the day. I kept thinking how unfair my case was, what I could do later, how I should justify my bonus etc. Images after images keep appearing in my mind. Thoughts after thoughts of bitterness flood my mind. “Its not fair” became the focus of my mind. The bible says
Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us,”
It was not easy. I knew that if this matter could pull me down so badly that I could not worship God, something is not right. I told God to help me to get into the place of worship because I was struggling to offer sacrifices of praise to God while keeping those thoughts at bay.
It was then at some point in time, I felt impressed in my heart that Jesus was asking me, “Is it fair for me to go to the cross?” I was caught in my tracks. Jesus asked again, “Is it fair for me to go to the cross?” I did not reply. He asked the same question the third time, “Is it fair for me to go to the cross?” Eventually I relented. I said to Him in my heart, “No.” His questioning and my response to Him somehow helped me put an end to the contentions I had in my mind. One touch of God is indeed better than a thousand words.
While a better way to get out of the rut is to put my faith into the Word of God and ask God to increase my faith to help me release this bitterness, God could see I was struggling and He loves me so much to drop a word of correction into my heart. I knew God was trying to help me release this bitterness, accept the outcome and let the matter rest.
In the later part of the service, Pastor Amos shared on Ephesians 5:17-19.
Ephesians 5:17-19, “Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,”
I realized that. I was “drunk in my thoughts” dwelling for so long on the matter leading to “waste”, when I should be worshipping God in spirit and in truth. This serves as a reminder to me that we should be constantly praising and worshipping God to keep us in the presence of God. In the presence of God, there is fullness of joy.
Psalm 16:11, “You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
Anonymous
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